| haha. random musings... |
[29 May 2007|07:17pm] |
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music |
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Regina Spektor - Music Box |
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Haven't written anything on this in forever...almost forgot it existed, but then procrastination hits. And now I'm back with random musings written instead of writing my four papers. It's mostly just random junk...( read if you'd like. )
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[01 Mar 2006|01:23am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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I'll Cover You - Rent |
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My Birthday is in three days...why am I not excited? oh yeah, because I have a Spanish final! woohoo.
yay college. it knows just how to suck the fun out of everything.
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| For my girlies |
[26 Jan 2006|02:06pm] |
This entry is not friends only because every woman should read it. I got this in an email from my aunt...apparently Oprah said it...(but don't let that trick you, it is good). For my dear friends:
"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a
bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them
when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make
someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware."
I love you my girlies...we'll all survive.
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| David Ayers rocks my world |
[18 Nov 2005|11:37pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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music |
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Wicked - One Short Day |
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So...I saw a really fucking weird show today. Oh well.
Then I came back to my room, and everyone else decided to go out to party. I'm a loser, so I decided not to. Go me.
Anyway, I've been far too pensive lately to party. If I went out tonight I'd just end up drinking myself into a stooper, coming back and passing out on my bed. That's what happens if you drink to forget. So I'm just avoiding the whole situation.
Yes...well, I'm in my room bored so I decided to look up stuff about Wicked because I saw it yet again. I love that show. It wasn't as good the second time though...the cast wasn't as amazing. I decided to look up the cast I saw on Broadway because I miss them and wish I had saw them two nights ago. Low and behold I found out that...
Dun dun dunnnnnnnn...
David Ayers (Fieyro) and I are...
( THE SAME PERSON!!!! )
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| Life is good. |
[26 Oct 2005|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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Life is good.
I woke up, still feeling incredibly sick...I've been incredibly sick since monday and it only getting slightly better. I dragged myself out of bed to go to my first class and find out "Oh, golly jeeze I got a BAD GRADE ON MY MIDTERM" How lovely a surprise that was. Yes, I did poorly on my aural skills midterm. life is good.
Then I go to Spanish. I skipped Spanish Monday with my teacher's permission, and today she was a bitch to me about it. How lovely. I'm sick and she's being a bitch. life is good.
Next I find out that today is solo audition for choir. I wanted to audition for a solo seeing as how I haven't gotten into one damn thing this year and basically I'm not going to be performing at all. Well yes, I'm sick and I have no voice so obviously audition for a solo is out. life is good.
I come back to my dorm room to make soup in an last ditch effort to make myself feel better. I take it out of the microwave and the top pops off...spilling boiling hot soup all over my hand. I now have a lovely burn that stings like hell. life is good.
Apparently I did lots of things to it that you're not supposed to do to burns. Perhaps causing some sort of damage...perhaps not. life is good.
I have to study for a midterm that I have to take tomomrrow...I know nothing and my illness is not allowing me to learn anything. life is good.
It was brought to my attention that my illness could be mono. life is good.
I just need a fucking hug, but no one seems to notice I exist. I've been sick since monday and TODAY a girl who is supposed to be my "friend" says, "Why aren't you eating anything? What the hell is your problem." I respond, "I don't feel well." She says, "Oh, are you sick?" AM I SICK? NOOOO I just missed all my classes on Monday for the hell of it. LIFE IS GOOD.
I'm certainly not bitter. Yes kids, life is good.
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| Friends Only |
[02 Oct 2005|03:10pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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From here on out I think most of my entries are going to be friends only...so tell me to add to if you want to continuing reading. Otherwise, well sorry.
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| Cave Girls |
[25 Sep 2005|10:05pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Thriller - Michael Jackson |
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I'm not making up my friends at school...really...I have friends...
( SEE... )
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| exploding head |
[21 Sep 2005|09:24pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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The school of music is just too hard. Really. I am considering dropping out. I practice...more than I should because I'm a voice major and we're supposed to watch the amount of singing we do so that we don't wear our voices out. Things don't get any easier. My brain is going to explode.
My head hurts. My heart hurts. Nothing makes sense. Why is it so easy for everyone else?
I have Opera auditions tomorrow...but I have nothing to sing that is well enough prepared.
I have an aural skills test tomorrow and I keep messing up sight singing hard intervals in solfege. We never had to do hard intervals in choir.
I got placed into choir as a freaking mezzo which just basically means more work for Lauren.
We have this thing on campus called Dance Marathon where you dance for 30 hours and raise lots of money for a good cause...and it's on my birthday, so no birthday party for me.
I'm sick and tired and it's only the second day of classes. I already feel over-worked and over-stressed. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a music major.
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| Crazy night |
[21 Sep 2005|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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THE HAPPY VOICES IN MY HEAD |
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Okay, I promised Carla (my roommate) that I'd update, so I am.
Carla went crazy on a caffeine high tonight, and we sat in the hall and made our CA Will feel uncomfortable with an article that MJ found about Asian male penis envy. Then Will took the article with him to read...and glanced at MJ's chest while we talked about boobs.
Sometimes I think this place is too much fun to be school.
YAY cave girls (and Will...who I guess is an honorary cave girl)!
Classes are hard. Music is hard. I'm screwed, but I'll have fun until they kick me out.
HAPPY ONE AND A HALF YEARS BEN!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
( Cuteness Dedicated to YOU! )
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| Moving in |
[12 Sep 2005|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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I'm at a hotel outside of Evanston.
I'm going to throw up.
Tomorrow is move in day. :-\
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| Accident |
[04 Sep 2005|11:30am] |
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mood |
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in pain |
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music |
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DMB - crash |
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So...you'll all probably hear about it eventually. Thought I might as well tell everyone now.
Friday afternoon I was in a pretty bad car accident. Before you panic - I'm alright, I bumped my head...so I have a bruise and my neck is kind of messed up, but overall I'm okay. The biggest issue is emotional. I keep having flashbacks. I'm still pretty shaken up.
Yes, the accident was my fault. I was rushing to get to work. A guy was turning left onto my street. I had checked out traffic to my left and everything was clear, so while the guy was turning left, I pulled out to turn left myself. What I didn't see, because of the car turning left, was that my left was no longer clear. Another car had pulled out of a street...crash.
It was completely surreal, and the scariest moment of my life.
I hope I didn't scare anyone...I just really didn't feel like explaining it over and over to each person. It's really painful when I do that. So, yes, life goes on...school starts soon.
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| Weird Dream |
[31 Aug 2005|06:07pm] |
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mood |
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weird |
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music |
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Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again - Phantom |
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So I'm updating again, crazy I know. I just have to because I had the weirdest dream and I must tell someone about it.
Soo...this is how it went. I was walking around the hallways of some school...not Groves...I really don't know where it was. Anyway, I was apparently enrolled there as a student - as were all the other Grove-ites. I was searching the hallways before class, desperately trying to find Ben. I found him and was so happy...apparently I hadn't see him in a long time. I was hugging him and laughing, but he just seemed annoyed. He started walking away from me. Then, Abby walks down the hallway. He sees her and grabs her arm. She turns back and they both start smiling and laughing and chatting up a storm. I'm really upset because I wanted to talk to him so I start to tug on his arm, trying to sway his attention back to me. Finally he gets really annoyed turns around and says, "WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT?". I tell him that I really want to talk to him. He tells Abby he is sorry and will talk to her later. I then pull him aside. I begin to say something...he just looks really irritated. All of the sudden, the bell rings signifying the start of class. Ben says, "Class - gotta go." I try calling after him to stop, but he just keeps on walking away from me.
You think that's the end of my dream...ohh no.
Then I go into class...math class apparently, but this is like no math class I've ever been in. Mrs. Klein was the teacher, and it was a sort of Geometry like class. We had to do proofs, except these weren't the normal 'prove this is a right triangle' type of proofs. She assigned us all ten problems and everyone got to work. I kept trying to whisper to Caitlin, who was sitting across from me, to help me, but she wasn't paying attention. Nick Smith was sitting next to me and I looked over at his paper to try and figure out what was going on. I was COMPLETELY lost (which if you know me...DOESN'T happen to me in math classes). So, I look over at his paper and the proof is proving the existence of God. I raised my hand and Mrs. Klein came over. I asked her, "What does God have to do with math?". And then I woke up.
Weird-ass dream.
( Oh...and I was bored so I stole this from Dee/Arti )
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| Update |
[30 Aug 2005|05:32pm] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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music |
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Come What May - Moulin Rouge |
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Soo it's been a while since my last update...
Basically I've just been working. I hate it more and more everyday. It's soooo freaking boring & I'm stuck working the most boring time of day - morning. The Managers at Mongolian BBQ are idiots because they've hired all high school students to host...therefore leaving them with NO ONE to host during the day because school has started. I don't know what they are going to do when I'm gone. Our wonderful General Manager at Mongo is also an IDIOT because he completely mistreated the best person in the entire restaraunt. Poor Brian...I'm glad he quit. He shouldn't have had to deal with everything he did. Our GM told the employees that they were going to transfer Brian...BEFORE he told Brian.
Yup, so everyone is gone...life is boring. I miss everyone, but they are all too busy making new friends and having fun to miss me. It sucks. I just want to be at college now, so I can forget about the idiots at mongolian bbq, being left, my parents, and just the general suckiness this summer has had to offer.
I miss Ben.
I miss Diana.
I miss how things used to be...even if life wasn't that good, it was better than now.
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| The Long Goodbye |
[25 Aug 2005|01:37am] |
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mood |
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Destroyed, but 100% in love |
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music |
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"Always Something There to Remind Me" - Naked Eyes |
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Just said goodbye to Ben.
Hardest thing I've ever had to do. Ever.
And I've done a lot of hard things.
There are lots of tears. They won't stop.
I love you.
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| Sometimes |
[22 Aug 2005|10:09pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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For 24 hours the world stopped, everything was perfect, and only you and me mattered.
Sometimes you get exactly what you want...
...and life is good for that moment.
I'd give anything to live there forever.
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| Random Stuff |
[21 Aug 2005|02:01am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Queen - I'm in love with my car |
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I stole this from Aaron...but I'm posting it strictly for Whitney. Love it - I know you will.
Anyhoo...Diana = love. Random. Sure.
The Dream Cruise was quite fun today. I met Darren McCarty for the fourth time and I hugged him. Jordan stalked him...hahahaha. I drove Ben's Galaxie while he jumped out to get things. Lots of old men were staring at me driving. Hey now - it's not that weird to see a girl driving a huge-ass classic car, is it?
Going camping tomorrow.
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| stuff |
[12 Aug 2005|10:03pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Sympathy - Goo Goo Dolls |
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I'm now one of the head hostesses at Mongolian Barbeque...second only to Nitasha, but she only hosts 1 or 2 times a week (mostly she serves).
My heart has a bunch of irregularities...I have to have tests done on it. I didn't need a doctor to tell me that I'm irregular.
I messed up my knee at work yesterday so it hurts like a bitch. I also messed up my hand. Okay, so you figured it out - I'm just a mess.
Diana, I don't know what to get you for your party. I love you so much...nothing is good enough.
I'm really bored so...
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.<---actually you don't have to...just if you are bored.
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| Update |
[09 Aug 2005|08:12pm] |
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mood |
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 Bloated...stupid time of month |
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I hate lj drama. So I'm done with it now. I said what I said because I was pissed off. Generalizations SUCK - no two situations are exactly the same. If someone asks you for advice...then give it to them, but otherwise don't generalize - it makes you seem really ignorant. Enough with that. It's over. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions - you stated yours, I stated mine. We don't agree. Oh well.
So, I've begun to hate work more and more. I just have no motivation to be there anymore. I'm making money, but I know it's never going to be enough. I'm just royally screwed. Ahhh well. There is only one good thing about work - Chad. He's my most favorite person. I don't know what I'd do without him. He makes me laugh every day and we beat each other up. He's like the big brother I never had. The other day I was taking down a reservation and he comes up to me and starts whispering random crap in my other ear until I can't take it anymore and almost lose it on the phone. I hung up with the customer and laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. Woohoo for good laughs.
Dee's candy party was coolio. Her Garbage game is amazing.
Today was one of the worst days of my life, but lets not go into detail about that. Suffice to say that I was in excruciating pain, couldn't sleep, and then was late for work where I couldn't concentrate because I was in so much pain.
I'm beginning to think Northwestern will be awesome...no matter how unbelievably stressed out it is making me right now. Grrr...I swear it's gonna give me ulcers. Or I'm gonna give myself ulcers.
For the Groves graduating class of 2005 - I'm thinking we should have a goodbye softball game. What'cha think? I thought it would be a fun way to say goodbye.
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[03 Aug 2005|12:06am] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Wicked |
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If I did a real update it would sound just like every other entry I've written this summer. Things suck. Oh well - that's my life. So instead I will do what Diana has tagged me to do.
FIRSTS
First best friend: Daniel Bradley...we played barbies together and ran away to each others houses. It was a wonderful time in my life
First car: 2000 Saturn SL-1 - Kikki Condom the "Low Rider"
First kiss: Kevin...in 10th grade, what a loser I am.
First screen name: peanutLG
First funeral: umm, my nonna when I was like 2
First album: Alannis Morsette - Jagged Little Pill
First pets: Princess my puppy
First piercing/tattoo: ears - pierced...not tattooed (thought that might need clarification)
First big trip: Hawaii...I was not even 1 year old
First time skiing: when I was 10, in Aspen, Colorado...it spoiled me for life. Skiing in Michigan isn't actually skiing
First concert: Bonnie Raitt in Colorado when I was 12
First alcoholic drink: I'm sure some sort of beer or wine...not sure what exactly, but I do know I was 3
First ticket violation: NONE!!!
First job: Host at the place I refer to as hell
First date: Freshman year - with Mark...JERKKKKKKKK
First myspace friend: I don't have one...thank god.
LASTS
Last car ride: Ten minutes ago with Ben on our way back from Java Hut
Last kiss: Ben, when he kissed me goodnight
Last time u cried: Today...at around 2
Last movie watched: The Prince and Me...but I didn't really watch all of that
Last food you ate: Left overs from my fridge when I got home from work...something bland, I don't remember what it was but it probably shouldn't have been eaten
Last love: :) BEN!
Last temptation: To not come home
Last item bought: a music book from Borders - Soprano Arias
Last annoyance: My father
Last time wanting to die: Today...at around 2
Last shirt worn: Lana'i shirt (from Hawaii)
Last alcoholic drink: ghetto blaster beer
Last concert: gavin degraw
Last phone call: Ben
Last time at the mall: by myself...on my break while working a double
Last friend you added on MYSPACE: don't have one.
six songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your LiveJournal along with your six songs. Then tag six other people to see what they're listening to.
1. Gavin DeGraw - Meaning
2. Wicked - The Wizard & I
3. From the Opera, Tartuffe - Fair Robin I Love
4. Garbage - Bleed Like Me
5. Jeremy Kushnier - Here For You
6. From the Opera, The Medium - Black Swan
and
List 5 reasons you are a dork.
1. I love the smell of new books so much that I often wander around books stores, taking in the scent and staring at all the endless possibilities of books
2. I wish Luke and Lorelai from Gilmore Girls were real...because I love them
3. I wish Gavin DeGraw was my best friend, seriously...NOT boyfriend, but best friend. I also wish Luke and Lorelai were my best friends.
4. I love Opera, I think it's amazing and I wish I could do it justice
5. I listen to the Wicked soundtrack over and over...every day on my way to work...and I sing along at the top of my lungs.
Okay...so I tag...hmmm
Brittany
Ashley
Katie
Jordan
Emily
Cole
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| BLAH! |
[26 Jul 2005|11:18pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
] |
Most people have made it so easy for me to move on, go off to college next year, leave everything behind.
So why does it still feel so hard?
College is scaring the shit out of me. I don't feel good enough. Why am I going to Northwestern? I don't belong there! It's the number 11 school in the country...I should be going to U of M. People are gonna be like, "What the hell is she doing here?" when they meet me. NU just keeps sending me more and more stuff I need to know, and I keep getting more and more freaked out. I don't know jack shit about music theory. I can read music. That's it. I'm fucked.
There are also a couple of you who are making it damn near impossible to let you go.
:( Diana & Ben...I love you always and forever.
Work sucks. College is scary. I might have a heart problem.
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